a friend wrote me this...

i don't know about you nick but i wish i did. you seem you experience some things i probably wont ever have. you fell in love and you fell hard. one girl after the next, never finding the same connections again. you have scars, you have barriers. you protect your heart from feeling the pain again. for you know if you do you don't know if you can survive it. love and pain its so unfair why can't love ever be anything but good. you look for love, your happy in life but deep down your still afraid. why does love have to hurt so bad. the tears are still there, the pain is still the same. each day passes, each moment the same. you see those people holding each others hands?why can't i have it ever again? my love, my first love why does it have to end in that way? i want to love i want to be free. i want to smile fully, i want to laugh again, i want to be open completely why did my innocence ever go away? will i ever love that way again? my hand lingers, my hand awaits, for a moment in time my own to make. i am happy, i have my friends, i am happy yes i am. but why does it still linger why isn't it the same? for love hurts too much to let anyone come the same away again. it is done it is over. time has pass i am stronger. i am happy yes i am, but why oh why isn't it the same. each person comes and goes. yet my heart still beats the same. when will my heart race, when will i feel, that same old funny feeling that wasn't anything but the same. when will i look upon that face and see nothing but her and nothing else. when will i hold unto her in that special way and know we were made to fit in that perfect way and when we hold when will it be until our heart will beat the same. i await, i await but it won't be the same for i was hurt and i am afraid to love in that same way again. i want to feel that way again. i want to be free, i want to be me, i want a best friend. love, my love will i have it again for a girl awaits me in the end to love me fully, to hold my hand, to look into me and see the man that i am. to see the pain and the love, to break the barriers to make me belief that it will never be the same. maybe someday.

word of advice

dont let life get you down, there will only be worse and better events ahead of you, so at the end of your road then complain. =)

the one

the one

to see people that you care for

to be really hurt and scared

even lost in thier emotions

makes me want them more than they know

when they try to push you away

you feel really hurt

you know they want you

it makes you feel helpless

maybe they have good intentions

to try not to hurt you

tell you that there's someone out there better

in my opinion there isn't

thats the worst they can do

once you get a taste of paradise

you never want to leave it

but when its taken from you

your pain is too great for words

you know you miss her

when everything you see reminds you of her

you know its foolish to act this way

but you cant really help it

so many feelings and emotions

sometimes you cant find the right words

you say you'd do anything for to get her back

but in reality the real decision lays with her

all you can do is wait and hope for the best

every thing tells you to move on

but something is keeping me back

maybe once you've had something so great

there's always something that tells you thats what you want

and right now thats all i want

to make her feel safe and know that she means alot to me

i hurt for her and feel her pain

i hope she knows

I'll never see her less than a friend

its a sad position to feel

that she might not want you again

just let that girl know that her man is waiting

its a sad feeling

but i hope i'll get over it soon. how can someone have so many friends but yet feel so alone? its something im tryin to figure out right now, one day you feel like your on top of the world and then before you know it, its all lost and you dont know how to deal with it. you thought things would be diff this time but you realize its just like the rest. everything is telling you not to feel this way but you still do it anyway. it's not healthy to have pitty, it only breeds feebleness, but in its place its better to have comfort. the worst you can do is push the ones who do care about you away and distance yourself from them. they only have good intentions and accept any trials that lay ahead but when seperated its a hard way to travel. if that person really care about you, then they'll have no problem taking you back no matter what.
all you can do is hope for the best and be patient and diligent. and also try not to screw things up. cuz thats the biggest thing i'll regret if i make it not possible again


its just some thoughts i think of every once in a while, ok all the time.

a place for them all

every girl i fell for 
forever has a place in my heart
i may not ever go to that place again 
but they're there forever
some i like to visit often 
but most are painfull 
but necessary to feel
because without them
i wouldn't be the man i am today
most i dont see for a very long time
because another girl opens a new place in my heart
dont feel that its the end
becuase the end of what might be a good thing
will lead you to an even better one
but its good to keep these thoughts with you 
they make you who you are

The path

you ask yourself sometimes
why you try so hard
you think that it'll make you happy
but in the end it does the opposite
yet i try day after day
with no reason in mind
some call it stupidity
maybe they're partly true
but i like to think of it has life
in pure lesson form
if only the pain would be easier
then maybe i could learn better
if only things could be made better
by using words of love and kindness
i'd use them everyday and every chance i could
life has many things in store for us
alot of them we wont like and real painfull
but whenn something amazing happens
all the bad things seem to not matter anymore
like all that matters is what makes you happy
and you have to chase those things no matter what
because in reality thats all that really matters

a goal in life

my goal is to be remembered
thats what were all trying to do 
i want to have an everlasting impact 
on each and every person i meet
to be something great
that will make a special person feel lucky to have me
to be wanted is a step short of being loved
and that is what life is all about
without love and friendship 
life amounts to nothing without the ones you care about
but sometimes the ones you want let you down
but what you want isn't always what you need
whats good about the ones you want
who let you down
is that they show you who really matters most in your life
the ones who love you will never let you down
thats my goal in life
to find someone who will love me back
and to be remembered as someone who's great