a friend wrote me this...

i don't know about you nick but i wish i did. you seem you experience some things i probably wont ever have. you fell in love and you fell hard. one girl after the next, never finding the same connections again. you have scars, you have barriers. you protect your heart from feeling the pain again. for you know if you do you don't know if you can survive it. love and pain its so unfair why can't love ever be anything but good. you look for love, your happy in life but deep down your still afraid. why does love have to hurt so bad. the tears are still there, the pain is still the same. each day passes, each moment the same. you see those people holding each others hands?why can't i have it ever again? my love, my first love why does it have to end in that way? i want to love i want to be free. i want to smile fully, i want to laugh again, i want to be open completely why did my innocence ever go away? will i ever love that way again? my hand lingers, my hand awaits, for a moment in time my own to make. i am happy, i have my friends, i am happy yes i am. but why does it still linger why isn't it the same? for love hurts too much to let anyone come the same away again. it is done it is over. time has pass i am stronger. i am happy yes i am, but why oh why isn't it the same. each person comes and goes. yet my heart still beats the same. when will my heart race, when will i feel, that same old funny feeling that wasn't anything but the same. when will i look upon that face and see nothing but her and nothing else. when will i hold unto her in that special way and know we were made to fit in that perfect way and when we hold when will it be until our heart will beat the same. i await, i await but it won't be the same for i was hurt and i am afraid to love in that same way again. i want to feel that way again. i want to be free, i want to be me, i want a best friend. love, my love will i have it again for a girl awaits me in the end to love me fully, to hold my hand, to look into me and see the man that i am. to see the pain and the love, to break the barriers to make me belief that it will never be the same. maybe someday.